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| From | Message | Posted by kestutis
nsa-hitachi.com
4/16/2008
23:24:07
Play online chess |  Subject: Chess jokes
Message:
How about some jokes related to chess?
I found one that made me laugh outloud:
"So I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov - Problem was, we had a checkered tablecloth and it took him two hours to pass the salt!"
| Posted by chessnovice
nsa-hitachi.com
4/17/2008
03:10:18
Play online chess | always been my favorite
Message:
A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
| Posted by taufiq
nsa-hitachi.com
4/17/2008
04:37:56
Play online chess | ...
Message:
A chess master died at his chessboard - and after a few days, a good friend of his heard a voice; it was him!
"What's it like, where you are now," he asked.
"What do you want to hear first, the good news or the bad news?"
"Tell me the good news first."
"Well, it's really heaven here. There are chess tournaments with incredible classical, rapids and blitz sessions going on all the time 24/7 with Morphy, Stenitz, Pillsbury, Dr. Lasker, Capablanca, Alekhine, Dr. Euwe, Botvinnik, Bronstein, Tal, Petrosian, they're all here, and you can play any one of them at anytime."
"Fantastic!" the friend said, "so what is the bad news?"
"You have Black against Capablanca on Saturday."
———
A Match All About the Sicilian — An unusual chess match is being held in South Carolina. It pits Judit Polgar of Hungary, the strongest woman chess payer in history, who is now ranked No. 46 in the world, but once was in the top 10, against Gregory Kaidanov, a Ukrainian-born American grandmaster, who is ranked No. 261. The match is four games and has an interesting twist: Each game begins with a different variation of the Sicilian Defense. The first game was on Monday and was won by Kaidanov, who had White, and featured the Sveshnikov. The second, which was won by Polgar, was on Tuesday and was a Dragon. The third chess game, which is being played on Wednesday, and can ...
Posted by akisame
nsa-hitachi.com
4/17/2008
06:03:45
Play online chess | . . .
Message:
Beating your friend at chess - fun.
Beating Chewbacca at chess - wookie mistake.
———
The f-pawn, part 2: is f5 the answer here? — Does White have a better option than moving the f-pawn? Continuing our look at the chess equivalent of route one football – the f-pawn advance... RB Well, let's see what happens when we push – 1 f5. The answer comes back faster than Manchester United on the break, not much. Black is under no compulsion to take the pawn and can instead centralise with 1…Nd4 or even 1…Qd4, or start getting the queen's rook into play with 1…Rac8, and 1…Nb4, hitting the d-pawn, would be irritating. All right, let's try to be logical. What's wrong here is that even if we could swap off pawns on the f-file, the f1-rook would remain blocked by the bishop. Let's ...
Posted by akisame
nsa-hitachi.com
4/17/2008
06:22:07
Play online chess | . . .
Message:
A seaside town was hosting a world caliber chess tournament. Two days into the tournament, one of the competitors, finished with his game, decides to go for a swim. After a few minutes, he is heard crying out; it is discovered that a shark has taken a bite out of his leg. Everyone is alarmed, but assurances are given that the shark will be found, and it was after all small bite.
The next day another tournament player goes swimming, and his leg also has a bite taken out of it. Same thing the third day. Strangely, though there are other people at the beach, it is only the chess players that are being nibbled.
In an effort to assure the public and keep the tournament from collapsing, a strong net is placed around the beach and the queen is asked if she can intervene. "It is well known that you play chess, your Majesty. There is a protective net up now, and if you can swim safely, then the players will be reassured and the people can feel comfortable on our beaches again. The queen agrees, and goes for a quick swim. She has been out for only a minute when she yelps. She is quickly pulled out of the water, and her leg inspected. Lo and behold, another shark bite. This time however, it appears the shark dd not remove any flesh. The public is told tha queen has emerged in one piece.
The tabloids cannot resist the story.
The next day's headlines read "Queen's gam bit, declined."
———
Big Surprises in Europe — Europe has been a center of chess activity over the last month with a series of major open tournaments. The first was the Gibtelecom Chess Festival in Gibraltar, which ran from Jan. 26 through Feb. 4. Among the world-class chess players who competed were Etienne Bacrot of France, Sergei Movsesian of Slovakia, Francisco Vallejo Pons of Spain, Michael Adams of England, and Gata Kamsky of the United States. The chess tournament ended in a nine-way tie for first, with Adams winning a four-person playoff to take the title. The Moscow Open, which overlapped with Gibtelecom and ended on Feb. 7, was divided into four sections — A, B, C and D — with ...
Posted by ionadowman
nsa-hitachi.com
4/17/2008
13:49:09
Play online chess | The rivalry...
Message:
... between Aleksandr Alekhine and Efim Bogoljobov was as intense as any the chessboard had seen, and the vitriol was never far from the surface. Finally, in exasperation, Alekhine told this story:
"Last night, I had a dream... I dreamed I had died, and was wafted to the gates of heaven. There I stood at the Pearly Gates accosted by St Peter, who asked my who I was.
Says I, 'I am Aleksandr Aleksandrovitch Alekhine, Chess Champion of the World!'
'Chess Champion!" says St Peter, "We don't allow chess players to enter the Kingdom of Heaven! To the nether place you must go!'
Well, feeling disconsolate, I was about to turn away, when who should drift by but Bogoljobov, complete with angel wings and halo, plinking a harp and floating on a cloud.
'Hang on a moment!" says I, "What about Bogoljubov here? He's a chess player and you let him in!'
'Bogojubov a chess player?" quoth the Saintly Doorkeeper,
'Nah! He just thinks he is!' "
Cheers,
Ion
———
Topalov Closes In on Linares Title — After eight rounds, Veselin Topalov of Bulgaria, the top seed, holds a one point lead in the annual Ciudad de Linares chess tournament in Spain. Alexander Grischuk of Russia, the defending champion, is in second place after beating Vugar Gashimov of Azerbaijan in Round 8 on Sunday. Levon Aronian of Armenia is in third, having managed, like Topalov, not to have lost a game in the chess tournament. Unlike Topalov, who has won three games, Aronian has not won a game either. So far, 25 percent of the games have been decisive, but that does not mean that the other 75 percent have been dull. Quite the contrary. The games have mostly been hard fought and exciting, even ...
Posted by tag1153
nsa-hitachi.com
4/18/2008
08:43:42
Play online chess | as told by Capablanca
Message:
"I was playing in a tournament in Germany one year when a man approached me. Thinking he just wanted an autograph, I reached for my pen, when the man made a startling announcement. 'I've solved chess!' I sensibly started to back away, in case the man was dangerous as well as insane, but the man continued: 'I'll bet you 50 marks that if you come back to my hotel room I can prove it to you.' Well, 50 marks was 50 marks, so I humored the fellow and accompanied him to his room."
"Back at the room, we sat down at his chess board. 'I've worked it all out, white mates in 12 no matter what.' I played black with perhaps a bit incautiously, but I found to my horror that white's pieces coordinated very strangely, and that I was going to be mated on the 12th move!"
"I tried again, and I played a completely different opening that couldn't possibly result in such a position, but after a series of very queer-looking moves, once again I found my king surrounded, with mate to fall on the 12th move. I asked the man to wait while I ran downstairs and fetched Emmanuel Lasker, who was world champion before me. He was extremely skeptical, but agreed to at least come and play. Along the way we snagged Alekhine, who was then world champion, and the three of us ran back up to the room."
"Lasker took no chances, but played as cautiously as could be, yet after a bizarre, pointless-looking series of maneuvers, found himself hemmed in a mating net from which there was no escape. Alekhine tried his hand, too, but all to no avail."
"It was awful! Here we were, the finest players in the world, men who had devoted our very lives to the game, and it was all over! The tournaments, the matches, everything - chess had been solved, white wins."
About this time Capa's friends would break in, saying "Wait a minute, I never heard anything about all this! What happened?"
"Why, we killed him, of course."
———
Weekend of Fun and Friends Between Battles on the Chess Board — The highlight of the year for many chess players is Washington’s Birthday weekend, when four amateur team championships are held across the country. There are no cash prizes, but the chess tournaments are popular because of the camaraderie. Players walk back and forth chatting before, after and even during the games. Some renew friendships with competitors they see only once a year. The World Amateur Team East tournament in Parsippany, N.J., the biggest and oldest of the chess events, celebrated its 40th birthday this year. There were 1,150 players and 271 teams, down from 283 teams last year, said Steve Doyle, the tournament’s director, who ...
Posted by caro-kann
nsa-hitachi.com
4/23/2008
03:28:11
Play online chess | A horrible joke ;)
Message:
One weekend, a major chess tournament was held between lots of players. Each player played 4 games against everyone else in their group, then the winners of each group would do the same against each other. In the final match, the winner easily defeated the loser 4-0. However, this sort of tournament takes a long time, and goes from morning to afternoon. Lunch is served between games.
The press come in to congratulate the winner and to interview him. The first few questions go along swimmingly, however, the next question is not fully heard. The winner's reply is though :
I started out with two Fried Livers - really robust, strong openers - even I was surprised at my own audacity to try it. In the middle, I had a nice King's Indian - every piece complemented each other thorougly, with lots of depth in the preparation - a true flash of brilliance. To finish it off, I decided on the Danish. It was an interesting thing - the many layers and discoveries that were made. It was a sweet ending.
To answer your question, I thoroughly enjoyed that particular lunch.
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